Wow, it's been a long time since I have written here. Sometimes life speeds by so fast. It's great.
It's funny though how sometimes in 6 months more things happen to you then in several things put together. Life comes to a still and then it just speeds up, but to such a rate that you can't keep a grip on things. Is it fun? Maybe. Sometimes however you feel it's too much. You don't have the time to reflect on things, on all the changes that are going on day by day.
Breaks are important. Getting perspective... It should be mandatory, but sometimes you get so caught up in events that when you get to the point to reflect on what happened you are overwhelmed by the shear amount of changes.
It is fun though, living your life this way. It's fun at least for a while, however you then get the sensation that you might be getting off track, that you aren't living true to your deeper purpose, but you cannot be sure. Even your deep purpose seems to be a mystery, a thing that you start to doubt and question. Is the purpose I had 6 months ago the same as the one I have right now.
Stop!!
...when?
Reflect!!
...on which of the 100 events?
How can I get a grip on my journey when I'm travelling at this speed? How can I figure out where I am and where should I be heading? What was an absolute fact a week ago, today isn't valid any more. So what is relevant and what isn't in the big picture.
Maybe none of these matter at the end of the day. Maybe the only thing that matters is to be completely present in every moment, like Tolle sais. I doubt it however. Everyone has a larger purpose, I do as well. Am I on the right path towards this purpose? I don't know. No clue what my purpose is.
David Deida would tell me, lock yourself in a room and don't leave until you figured your purpose out, but what if I just remain on the train that I'm on right now and I enjoy the journey further. Would that bean optimal solution in the long run? I don't know.
Some would say it doesn't mater, as long as your happy on the journey you are on. Am I happy? I guess so, at least most of the time. But will the direction that I'm on lead me to a place that will offer me happiness in the future as well? THIS is what I don't know.
I have signals that say I'm not on the right track, but to be honest I am living one of the most relaxed and filling period of my life. It's a dilema for me, because I'm generally happy but something inside me, deep inside is telling me that I'm "asleep" and I need to "wake up"
Maybe it's time to stop...but... I don't have the time. The challenges in my life are difficult, they require attention and they take up the little time I have...so...what's the solution.
It seems that I don't know. Not really. Maybe you have a clue, maybe you were at this point and figured out a direction out of it
In any case if this post makes any sense to you (and I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't) leave a comment with your thoughts, if you have any :)
Thank you
I'm somewhat glad that you started to doubt Tolle, hahaha :)
ReplyDeleteI really do not know the answers to your questions, but I believe you will find them when you least expect it.
In our quest for happiness we become ignorant of the fact that both happy and unhappy times are equally important. We might want to experience happy times all the time, but we cannot grow that way.
What if we're on the way to dis-covering our purpose even if we see it or not? What if this does not require us being aware of it?
Dunno, personally, the more I try to find my purpose, the more off track I become. Doesn't it happen to you too?
I'm really glad things are changing in your experience. It must be thrilling to get new perspective.
You are doing great, my friend!. I believe the answers to all your questions will come to you at the right time. But not a moment before.
Take care ;)
Why I write this.. clicked you on tp and randomly ended up here. I believe I had a really similar post a year ago in my private blog.
ReplyDeleteI quit reading tp, quit reading all together. Reason: ineffective strategy. Switched school and making a proper start. Nobody knew I was so much trying to think a solution to my reasons of imperfection.
I decided I wanted to talk to a psychologist who's very helpful and try to understand my struggle from a more realist perspective.
Though even that is no magic pill... I learned that to grow I must be willing to go through the feelings and fears and help would speed me up. I second that part from previous reply. My goal is no longer zero-resistance happy living. I try to find a balace. Switch my activities....
What I learned is you do things for reasons. And you may have many reasons which you unconciously have.
Some people like uncertainty. Uncertain living. It's a preferency, for a bigger goal or conditioned... you won't know.
So wanna get dis-cover your purpose. I would say look for the reasons you want to do so and express them to people and consider getting help where you might need. I never accepted help myself and still felt a bit guilty for asking help... That is the backward way of working back to your purpose.
I found also a good ebook lately: 4 elements of game. It's currently keeping me busy. The last book I had was 60 seconds which I though was my magic pill but wasn't. But so far I got started on 4 elements and it has the concepts of balance.... I like...
I would say looking for truth inside you and others feels the best. Much better than try-hard on a conceptual goal.
I told an old friend my whole pua story only recently and can't believe how much we talk again regularly.
Good luck.
Thank you for your reply
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