Wow, it's been a long time since I have written here. Sometimes life speeds by so fast. It's great.
It's funny though how sometimes in 6 months more things happen to you then in several things put together. Life comes to a still and then it just speeds up, but to such a rate that you can't keep a grip on things. Is it fun? Maybe. Sometimes however you feel it's too much. You don't have the time to reflect on things, on all the changes that are going on day by day.
Breaks are important. Getting perspective... It should be mandatory, but sometimes you get so caught up in events that when you get to the point to reflect on what happened you are overwhelmed by the shear amount of changes.
It is fun though, living your life this way. It's fun at least for a while, however you then get the sensation that you might be getting off track, that you aren't living true to your deeper purpose, but you cannot be sure. Even your deep purpose seems to be a mystery, a thing that you start to doubt and question. Is the purpose I had 6 months ago the same as the one I have right now.
...on which of the 100 events?
How can I get a grip on my journey when I'm travelling at this speed? How can I figure out where I am and where should I be heading? What was an absolute fact a week ago, today isn't valid any more. So what is relevant and what isn't in the big picture.
Maybe none of these matter at the end of the day. Maybe the only thing that matters is to be completely present in every moment, like Tolle sais. I doubt it however. Everyone has a larger purpose, I do as well. Am I on the right path towards this purpose? I don't know. No clue what my purpose is.
David Deida would tell me, lock yourself in a room and don't leave until you figured your purpose out, but what if I just remain on the train that I'm on right now and I enjoy the journey further. Would that bean optimal solution in the long run? I don't know.
Some would say it doesn't mater, as long as your happy on the journey you are on. Am I happy? I guess so, at least most of the time. But will the direction that I'm on lead me to a place that will offer me happiness in the future as well? THIS is what I don't know.
I have signals that say I'm not on the right track, but to be honest I am living one of the most relaxed and filling period of my life. It's a dilema for me, because I'm generally happy but something inside me, deep inside is telling me that I'm "asleep" and I need to "wake up"
Maybe it's time to stop...but... I don't have the time. The challenges in my life are difficult, they require attention and they take up the little time I have...so...what's the solution.
It seems that I don't know. Not really. Maybe you have a clue, maybe you were at this point and figured out a direction out of it
In any case if this post makes any sense to you (and I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't) leave a comment with your thoughts, if you have any :)